Did you know that financial mis-communications is one of the leading causes of divorces? Here are 3 lies about money communication you are believing, followed by 1 truth that will transform your relationship and your finances…
Personally, I feel that money management boils down to remembering that it takes a lot of work/patience to figure out why you are struggling to communicate on finances and goals, and it takes even more time/patience to get on the same page, but you can do it!
Here are the BIGGEST lies your financial incompatibility is telling you about your partner –
#3 – “They just don’t care…”
Wrong. They care. It may be they may use or save money differently than you. They may not like how you communicate about it, so they are shutting down. Or they may even care so much that they overspend rather than dwell on the struggles. HOWEVER, I promise you, everyone wants to find ways to fix money problems.
#2 – “If I don’t handle/monitor the money, it will get wasted…”
Wrong. Most of us are responsible in some fashion. It is actually your need to control that is causing most of the problems. Controlling money or how it is spent means you are scared of mismanagement of money usually caused by some type of poverty in the past. Another reason you feel like you need to control it is that you do not feel you have equal say in the money usage, which means you need to figure out a way to create equality for yourself.
#1 -“If I nag, they will eventually listen…”
Notice this is lie #1… FOR A REASON! Nagging makes all of us shut down and stop hearing, no matter what the wisdom is that you are sharing. Just stop. Maybe watch your partner’s habits. Maybe make 20 million spreadsheets, or spent time reading all the books or, heck!, even start a finance blog to share what your partner won’t listen to, but don’t keep nagging. It doesn’t help and it causes more problems than not.
Here is the truth you were waiting for –
“MONEY does NOT have to be the reason you fight!”
Read that again!! “Money does NOT have to be the reason you fight!!” Let’s take the money-stressor out of play for your relationship communication by practicing some healthier techniques for handling tough conversations. Here are some easy tips to help you have peaceful communication about finances –
- Focus on learning more about finances and share your sections from the book. This bundle of financial tips has an e-book of quotes and 1-liners that make a great conversation starter!
- Make it fun again. Have you ever thought how boring money and budget talks are? SERIOUSLY!!!! Even I hate these talks! Please bring me ice cream and alcohol and promise me a comedy and vacation afterwards!
- Learn to talk your partner’s learning style. A kinetic learner won’t respond to graphs. This book that helped me most as a teacher to learn how to connect with all learning styles.
- Keep it short. Once you get a system going, actual conversations super quick. Literally, all it takes is, “Remember, _____ is due this week, you paying it today?”
- Work on trusting. Both of you can figure this money thing out if you can trust each other. Start treating your partner with respect and give more responsibility, it may help your relationship heal some.
So there you have it – 3 lies and a truth about your struggles with financial communications. Which ones are you finding sneaking into your conversations about money and how are you going to change those narratives? Here are some great resources from Amazon to help you learn more about financial communication –
Yes, I include affiliate (ad) links in all my blog posts, however it is only with companies and products I highly recommend. I receive a small commission if you buy through my links, so thanks in advance! Lydia Y-S